I am a regular reader of Pandagon, mainly in order to remind myself that I am out of place with the American center left as presently constituted. And also because I find many of the opinions expressed there wrong but well-considered. Today, I found myself amused by this blog . Maybe it's just the title, since I generally have dated by bus and train and find it rather romantic, just not practical for ladies' footwear as presently constituted. But also because it really forced some of the commentariat to think about a less mobile world and the potential impact it could have on the general cosmopolitanism of our society.
It also made me think about my own love life, which sometimes involves pining after someone with whom I would have to have a long distance relationship (often abbreviated LDR in the Pandagon piece). The commentariat is right about one thing. LDRs have a definite connection with graduate school. In the sciences, it is especially bad. American anti-intellectualism is particularly pronounced toward the sciences (even among other intellectuals), and so scientists have a great deal of trouble finding someone who understands their passion and depth of purpose and are willing to build a common life with that considerable distraction always fighting toward the center of that relationship. To some extent, the onus falls on the scientist to set limits for themselves in order to care for the needs of their beloved as well as their own. I've heard plenty of divorce stories about older colleagues that make me think that science (and scientific discovery) can become an addiction and a rather obvious threat to relationships. But it's still helpful for a scientist's partner to either be a scientist or be a more flexible person with their own work of deep creativity and passion. And I'm happy to say I've seen some wonderful marriages of this type of long standing.
But often those kind of people find themselves in graduate school or similar situations, and not always in the same place. An LDR is so tempting in that neither of you have much time and so can block out a few phone calls etc. a week and see each other twice a year. On the other hand, many of my graduate school friends are pretty much set against LDRs. I'm not quite sure why, perhaps sex drive issues are involved. But maybe it's more generally incarnational than carnal. That your limited spare time is best spent being with someone than trying to compensate for being apart.
Of course, I also worry about climate/resources implications as in the Slate article referred to in the Pandagon piece. I have a friend at another school who was flying every month cross-country to see his girlfriend. The friend in question probably would have a deeper understanding of the latest IPCC Report than Al Gore, but he recognizes that in a society with distorted priorities and infrastructure, human relationships trump carbon emissions.
I understand the feeling. I try to limit both my business and personal travel. But my extended family on the East Coast likes to see me, and I've been only doing so about once per year. Friends are getting married. The only thing you can do is to try support less carbon-intensive transportation options. This year I will be using Amtrak Ionia to travel to a conference in Byzantion. (I even may get some colleagues to join me.) It doesn't quite make me feel better the three transcontinental round-trips I will be making in the next two months, but I know that those trips are not made frivolously. In all three cases, it is important for me to present for people, both in my family and in my field. If I lived in China, I gladly would ride from Lanzhou to Beijing by rail for the same necessity. If I lived in India, I'd say the same for Delhi to Madras. But I live in America...
There's one particular comment from Alara Rogers on the Pandagon piece that I think is worth reading. Small communities do tend to be insular societies, especially when isolated from cultural cues from the larger society (good or bad, q.v. Rwandan genocide) and there is a potential for excess, resentment of the alien, family rivalries and jealousies, and all manner of other evils. And so in the process of localizing our stuff while keeping our data global (sorry, Derek, I love your phrasing), it will be important to plan for human mobility, not the in and out mobility of the international businessman or global gatherings like Lambeth Conferences but room for mobility that still allows an American priest to spend a year in Southern Africa (and vice versa, especially vice versa). A prioritization of travel for purposes of experience, cultural exchange, and incarnation rather than goods and simple information. The best thing about this is that such travel needs only to be safe and reliable, not fast, permitting travel as a less energy-intensive pleasant experience and time of potential social interaction instead of an energy-intensive unpleasantness necessary to get from point A to point B. But will there be fewer LDRs? You betcha.
1 comment:
LDRs have the added problem that if they begin as LDRs the liklihood of commitment seems lower as time goes by.
We were in an LDR soon after C went on CPE for the summer and then again while C was on internship. We did more than a fair share of traveling to and fro that internship year. If it's just the sex missed, an LDR likely won't last. If it's the other person and her presence that's missed, some potential remains.
Post a Comment