The Other Process

One of those enchanting perquisites of having a doorknob exposed to all comers is its ability to act as yet another locus for advertising. No public space can be immune from advertising, after all, lest the economy implode. Of course, the form of doorknob advertising must be a Thai food menu. Someday, I hope to find the form of doorknob advertisements on my doorknob, because I'm betting they serve the form of pad see ew. I believe and trust that the Triune God makes great Thai food and the doorknobs of Paradise shall have menus for this food. Amen.

My door is fortunate or otherwise to possess an additional fixture for advertising. Technically, I believe it is reserved for notices from the authorities of the Imperial University of Science and Technology, Laodicea, but today I found a small green sheet from MTV with the four most ominous words in the English language as presently spoken, "Casting New Reality Series."

I had seen notices like this before on campus. MTV is presently looking to produce the most explicit form of pornography viewable by teens and 18-35 year olds alike. It's a show about guys losing their virginity. I suppose it would be more pornographic if it involved women, but they may be producing that show for all I know.

Now, I don't mean pornographic in the sense that I expect there to be explicit sex scenes (though anything is possible). I mean pornographic in the sense that virginity is associated with the oldest and deepest of the fetishes. Note that fetish in the OED has many definitions, including: (1), "An inanimate object worshipped by primitive peoples on account of its supposed inherent magical powers, or as being animated by a spirit." and (2) "An object, a non-sexual part of the body, or a particular action which abnormally serves as the stimulus to, or the end in itself of, sexual desire." Virginity has been very much a fetish in both of these senses. One of the possible origins for temple prostitution is that the hymen is a boundary and boundaries often gain sanctity, especially if they are associated with fertility. Thus, many cultures had a belief that proper rites were required to cross the boundary (the medievalists still fight about whether the ius primae noctis ever existed, but its proponents argue it was a late survival.) Thus, the virgin would be required copulate with a priest or otherwise ritually chosen male. Eventually, this became a revenue source for temples with permanent staffs etc., but the root idea is virginity has sacral significance.

God commanded the Israelites otherwise, but the Old Testament thereby connected idolatry with loss of virginity outside of one's father's auspices. At present, many commentators are creeped out by the recent rise of "purity balls." I suspect their awkward feelings stem from the sense that certain subcultures can create a weirdly incestuous dynamic by putting the father in charge of a token of his daughter's virginity.

God revealed in Christ Jesus, however, seems to have very strange ideas about virginity. On one hand, the fetishism of virginity depends on it being lost. In patriarchal societies, it can be traded for land, for familial relationships, and other useful goods. But it must be lost at some point under the control of the contracting parties. An aged virgin in Israelite society has a far more uncertain life than a married woman. Note that God repeatedly commands charity to the widows and orphans. "Old maids" were in precarious economic straits, too. But God doesn't mention them specifically, because they were rare. Indeed, polygamous societies, such as non-mainstream Mormons and certain Muslims (Osama Bin Laden being an excellent example, though the theology is older), often develop an ethic where marrying an older virgin (whose marriage prospects are weak) is considered a charitable or even salvific act. Thus, the Lord Jesus lays down a real bombshell in Matthew, when he proclaims, "There are some who are eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom." Virginity not being used for sacral magic or to knit society together? What? I suspect the Lord's message wasn't that sex is overrated (as some present novice Roman Catholic nuns I know were wont to say). I suspect what he meant was that not losing one's virginity was the kind of deeply subversive act that could proclaim the values of the Kingdom, placing the disciple outside of sexual politics and its social relationships, allowing one to take a wider look at human society and cultivate a deeper love for God.

On the other hand, we have to remember that there is one event of Jesus' life that summons up deep imagery of virginity loss. I am talking about John 19:34, "But one of the soldiers thrust a lance into his side, and at once there was a flow of blood and water." No other Gospel speaks of this incident, and John is very insistent about its authenticity. In all the other Gospels, the analogous episode is the tearing of the veil or curtain of the Temple in two. I suspect John's point is that Jesus Himself has become the Temple (common theme of this Gospel after all..."But He was speaking of the temple of His Body." or "You will not worship on this mountain or in Jerusalem..., but the true worshippers will worship in spirit and in truth"). And thus as Ezekiel says at 47:1, "I saw water coming out the threshold of the Temple towards the east." And indeed, the drain of the Temple must have contained both water and blood from the sacrifices (and been rather foul). But the spear and the analogy of the veil tearing suggests this is marriage imagery. Christ's Body (i.e., his side) is the spotless virgin Church and both the tearing of the veil and the side piercing are promises of the Consummation. You can see why I have a lot of trouble with Jesus being exclusively and essentially male. It doesn't make sense in the light of the Scriptures.

But back to MTV... This green sheet is a casting call after all. And it's asking such questions as, "Do you get nervous around women?," "Do the girls you meet think of you more like a brother...?", and "Do you find it difficult to pull yourself away from your busy schedule...?" "Everyone has their own unique reasons why they are still a virgin..."

The reasons MTV would prefer to avoid are the religious or patriarchal ones. That would get in the way of their telos after all. The loss of virginity under their control is a means to power for them, particularly in the form of ratings/advertising revenue etc.

There's been some talk scattered around about in the last few years the vocation of singlehood or singleness. I really don't think it's helpful to think about singleness as a vocation. Very few of us are meant to be single. These are solitary hermits. Instead, the singles problematized by the Church at present might be said to be in the other Process, not discernment about ordination but discernment about the relational community in whose midst we best will offer our members to God (including our sexual ones). Indeed, it's like any vocational discernment in that way. Many of my members are strongly devoted to planetary science in service to God. My members are also devoted to regular Office. Prayer, too, is a vocation. For some, it is their main one, though some like to brew alcoholic beverages on the side. But the discernment process about the use of sexuality isn't just about sex. Potential monastics probably focus very little on "Is celibacy a good idea?" but more on "Is the community good for me? Am I good for the community?" And I very much doubt any stable matrimonial/fratrimonial/sororimonial union can be based exclusively or even primarily on the question of "Do I want to have sex with this person for the rest of my life?" I think my father once said, "Look for a good sense of humor. It's the last to go."

And so my virginity chiefly stems from my continued discernment. While I'm leaning toward the married state, being a monastic has its temptations, though I wonder if the climate is right for a monk whose labor is science funded by NASA and the NSF (I'd garden, too, or wash dishes to fulfill the Rule). I happily will admit that I am sizing up almost every eligible single woman I meet, not as a sexual partner, but as a friend and every likewise eligible good friend as a potential wife. And while I have a wishlist in my mind, I'm fairly sure that God will help me find someone for whom I will be good and who will be good for me. And if I don't ever find the right relational community (look how long it took Bishop Wolf of Rhode Island), I shall find my true union in the Body in the end. Let's see MTV make a reality show about that.